The first time you buy a house you think how pretty it is and sign the check. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It’s the same with men.
— Lupe Velez
Forgive me, too. I see no other way.
Perception failed me, causing this delay.
Harald, you faked a great love for him and me.
Exhausted by our passion, which deceived,
Loving consent marked me as easy prey.
My faith erected plans — our wedding day.
Somehow your photoplay involved foul play.
Blind confidence in you was ill-conceived.
Forgive me, too.
In Hollywood, one script had me portray
Nana, a prostitute, whom men obeyed,
Determined to give her a life of ease —
Whereas I was glad breathing air you breathed.
But pregnancy made our romance passé.
Forgive me, too.
Mexican-born Hollywood actress Lupe Vélez (July 18, 1908 – December 14, 1944) overdosed while pregnant. In despair, because the child’s father, Harald Ramond, refused to marry her, Vélez consumed 75 Seconal pills and a glass of brandy in her mansion, Casa Felicitas, at 732 North Rodeo Drive, Los Angeles, California. She was 36 years old.
Her suicide note read: “To Harald, May God forgive you and forgive me too, but I prefer to take my life away and our baby’s before I bring him with shame or killing him. – Lupe.”
On the back of the note, Vélez added: “How could you, Harald, fake such a great love for me and our baby when all the time, you didn’t want us? I see no other way out for me, so goodbye, and good luck to you, Love Lupe.”
This rondeau, inspired by her last words, is from my WIP “Past Tense: Poems and Portraits of Suicides.”